absolution

I squandered too much of my misspent youth
Reasoning with your misplaced Catholic guilt
And standing out on your doorstep
Begging for either your heart or your cock
Whichever you decided to give first
It took no time at all for me to learn
That being too good for you
Hurt just as bad as not being good enough
It took a lot longer for me to learn that absolving you of your latest heartache
Only created a heartache for me
So much has changed and so many years have gone by
And I will never again stand on your doorstep
I’ve learned that next time
I should bring a chair

expectations

You were on your second wife
And first child
When we met
You were not expecting a 19-year-old
Who wanted you more than air
I never expected the promise
Of matrimony
Fidelity
Or even a phone call the next day
I just wanted a promise of a next something
Next week, next month, next year
The promise of a
Next look, next touch, next kiss, next fuck
I never expected you to love me
I never said that I loved you
The three words that tripped off my tongue so easily with all the others
Even when I didn’t mean it
Or when it didn’t matter
But with you
Those words always caught between my heart and my throat
I’m sure you saw the lump and hoped that there is where they would stay
You were on your third wife
When I opened the door
And expected you to walk through
But you weren’t expecting a 36-year-old that wanted you more than air
And I never expected to be 36